Prisoner of Death

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Grehem has been trapped for seven years.  There are no bars to his prison, no guards to his flesh, but he is trapped regardless.  His sanity is slipping and each day he is forced to assassinate another target of his employer.  He seeks freedom, but what will it take to obtain it?

Part 1Shadowy Beginnings

Part 2– Unforeseen

Part 3– Contract

Part 4– Final Job

Part 5– The Kill

2 thoughts on “Prisoner of Death

  1. First of all, I want to say congrats for posting the first part of your short! It takes guts to actually press that publish button when it comes to it. Secondly, on to the critique. I love your metaphors and deceptions throughout the piece, and I feel like you really had a chance to showcase that skill in the first part of the story. But I also feel like that part slowed everything down. Maybe look at trimming down the intro to one or two paragraphs. I’d actually try moving some of that description to Tima’s little section.

    Technically, I spotted a few misplaced commas and a couple of paragraphs with repeating words, but those were all minor. All that being said, I really liked it, and I’m looking forward to seeing where Grehem goes from here. 🙂

  2. Ah, you’ve spotted my two greatest weaknesses. Sometimes I worry that I’m telling my story rather than showing it, so I get carried away with said metaphors and descriptions.

    The other one is my comma confusion. Gah.

    Anyways, thanks for stopping in to check it out. Honestly, I had planned this to be a type of prequel to my main novel that takes place around twenty years later, but now I think I’m going to focus on Grehem’s story more, just because I have so much more of it actually planned out in my head. However, knowing me, I will more than likely start writing his whole tale and start switching things around in his story, and end up doing the same thing again…

    Glad you like it. Part two will be coming in a few days!

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